by Rabbi Peter S. Knobel
Rosh Hashanah 5760

Letter writing is a lost art. One of the greatest love letters ever written was the one that God wrote to the Jewish people and delivered to at Mt. Sinai. God entitled it "Torah". A tradition has grown up among our people for the older generation to prepare for those that follow them an ethical will. In the ethical will the writers describe their most important values and try to discloses gems of knowledge and wisdom they have accumulated. They are important documents. In that spirit I have written the following letter to my newest granddaughter Alana Michele.

Dear Alana,

When I was born, my father, your great grandfather, was in the army, and he wrote me a letter that my mother saved for me. A short time after your sister Leah was born I wrote her a long letter, which I hope will be important to her when she grows up. You are the newest precious love in our family. Seeing you fills my heart with joy and my prayer is that I will have the privilege of watching you grow to adulthood. I know that your parents have hopes and dreams for you and they will share them with you. You have a wonderful older sister, Leah. You were born on my mother’s birthday. Your great grandmother Lotta was a wonderful person. For me the date of your birth creates a unique sense of continuity. Your father Seth had a very close relationship with her. She loved him unconditionally and they shared a special bond. This morning I wish to share with you some thoughts. I know this will not make much sense to you for a long time.

Today’s Torah portion shakes me up. God commands Abraham to sacrifice his miracle child. What a terrible story! It is scary. What kind of a God tests a person with such a test? What kind of a father says yes without the hint of protest? What kind of husband does not even tell his wife so that she can protest the impending loss of her son or at least say goodbye? A relationship with God and with our tradition is not easy. Most of us prefer a different story one that smoothes out the rough edges. The story is a struggle about the meaning of family. At the request of his wife Sarah, Abraham drives out his first born Ishmael and Ishmael’s mother Hagar. Through God’s intervention neither Ishmael nor Hagar die but they came close. The book of Genesis believes in a quid pro quo form of justice. What you give is what you get. The text seems to say, Abraham and Sarah must suffer the potential loss of their son so that they can fully appreciate the experience of Hagar and Ishmael. You cannot know another’s pain until you have walked in that person’s shoes. The experience of Ishmael’s near-death and Isaac’s near-death, both at the hands of their father and with the assent of God, allow the two brothers to reconcile and comfort each other when Abraham dies. Together they buried their father Abraham in the cave of Machpela. It is a hard lesson for a little girl. It is a hard lesson for all of us. I treasure the story and hearing it Rosh Hashanah. I wish we read on Rosh Hashanah the story of Hagar and Ishmael along with Akeidah the binding of Isaac. In the Conservative and Orthodox synagogues, the story of Hagar and Ishmael is read on the first day and the binding of Isaac is read on the second day. There is so much to be learned from the stories but I will save that for another time when I can tell you or read to you the story and you can ask questions and we can try to understand it together. But suffice it to say, it is hard to be a child and it is hard to be brother or a sister and it is hard to be a parent. These will be the most important relationships in your life. Natural tensions and natural rivalries must be tempered with loving concern. Family is precious. It is a complex and changing institution and it requires constant maintenance. We are fortunate that much of our family lives near by because today families are spread across the globe and this creates even greater challenges to maintain close relationships.

Grandma Goodie and I are thrilled to watch how your parents have taken to parenting two children. They are gentle loving and patient. Watching them with your big sister Leah is a joy to behold. But they are marvelous now in sharing their love and teaching Leah to share them with you and to add you to Leah’s love circle. I know the two of you will inevitably have arguments and there will be sibling rivalry but that in the end our prayer is that you will be best friends. Ledor vador, from generation to generation--new life fills us with hope about the future.

How fortunate you are to have four grandparents, and four great grand parents who adore you! Your Uncle Jeremy and Aunt Alyssa love you and soon they will make you a cousin and your circle of love will be enlarged. Your Uncles Adam and Jacob complete your very special immediate family.

The pace of change seems to accelerate in every year. I know every generation says the same thing. The material and technological progress which allows us to do and experience things never thought possible even a generation ago is mind boggling. Commercial jet transportation that allows me breakfast in Chicago, lunch in New York and dinner in Chicago still fills me with wonder. I still am amazed every time the airplane lifts off the runway and rise miles into the heavens. I marvel at the fax, the cell phone, the Internet and the computer upon which this Devar Torah was composed. I doubt that they will be marvels for you. You will take them for granted like I take indoor plumbing and electric lights for granted. The world is smaller and smaller and communication measured in nanoseconds. Our ability to know what has happened instantly and to be present at events far away from where we live is beyond belief. But I wonder. Has it improved our ability to know and to relate to each other? We are present at the horrors of hate crimes and wars and natural disasters. Do we think about it as real life or is it just a kind of theater?

My response to the changing world is anchored by a deep commitment to Judaism and faith in God. Al sheloshah devarim ha olam omed al ha Torah ve al haavodah ve al gemilut chasidem "The world stands on three things on Torah, worship and deeds of living kindness." This one Mishnah summarizes what it means to be a Jew and live a Jewish life. A Jew must be learned. Our tradition teaches the ignorant cannot be pious. A relationship with God and the Jewish people is found in shared moments of worship, the celebration of holidays and life cycle moments and in the private devotions of our hearts. God, Torah and Israel are one. Learning and observance must be translated into genuine caring for others. I still believe that it may take only one more good deed to encourage the Messiah to reveal him/herself.

In spite of the fact that I personally and we communally constantly fall short of living up to the ideals we proclaim, I am optimistic about the possibility of improving the world. Being a faithful Jew is a constant challenge. We and God set high standards for conduct. Altruism is a mitzvah that is governed by clear minimal requirements. Loving one’s neighbor is not an abstract emotion but a set of obligations. Tzedakah is commandment to provide dignity to those whose lives have been wounded by economic ills, by societal injustice, physical or mental limitations. Judaism teaches us that God is the real owner of our wealth and God demands faithful stewardship. The halacha Jewish law specifies our obligations in great detail and the aggadah tell us story about people who did even more than is required.

Judaism is a realistic tradition that recognizes we are often selfish and self-absorbed, that we can be lazy or even callous. Our tradition constantly offers us opportunities to re-think our lives and re-create ourselves. In fact it mandates at least minimally every year during the period from Rosh Hashanah to Yom Kippur that we engage in serious personal and communal reflection. Looking honestly at yourself and making changes is among the hardest thing that we are every asked to do.

I am always moved by a often quoted statement from the Talmud. "Repent on day before your death." How can we fulfill this commandment since we do not know when we will die? The answer is treat each new day as if were you next to last day on earth. Therefore, each new day is an occasion for transformation. The truth is few of us will have the courage and the strength and the tenacity of will to make radical changes. Radically. However if every year each of us would add at least one new mitzvah, the accumulated personal, family and communal change would be monumental.

As you get older you will tire of hearing me say that for me the most important verse in the Torah is Genesis1:27

"And God created Adam in God’s image. In the image of God, God created Adam; male and female God created them."

Human beings are unique among God’s creation. The differences we perceive in skin color, physical and mental characteristics are superficial from an ethical perspective. Each person is worth a world. Our unique nature makes us partners with God in completing and perfecting creation. We are responsible for the planet, for the way we treat the environment, how we treat other animals, how we share the world’s resources and how we treat each other. It is an awesome role but a great privilege. Our understanding of this role is constantly being challenged by new knowledge and by changing circumstances.

This verse makes it clear that women and men share equally in the divine image. In a matter of decades, Judaism has been responding differently than it had for thousands of years. First there were small changes. Sarah, Rebecca , Rachel and Leah took their place in the Amidah along side Abraham, Isaac and Jacob as the founders of our people. Then Miriam’s role as prophet and leader has begun a process to recover Torat Miriam (Miriam’s Torah) to stand next to Torat Moshe (Moses’ Torah). Governance, ritual, ethical decision-making are being transformed because of the new role women are playing in Judaism and in society. The mother of a little girl reported to me that when she told her daughter that I was a rabbi, her daughter said that was impossible because I was a man. You are growing up in a world where women’s voices and experience will transform almost every discipline and every vocation. The possibilities will be greater for you than for your mother and your grandmothers. I am excited by the fact that you will not be limited by your gender.

One of things I have learned is that one may never say never. Long held positions have crumbled as I have experienced life and as I have studied our tradition and contemporary thought more completely. I was a greater expert on many things when I was younger. I knew how to tell parents how to parent before I was one. I told people how to deal with aging and infirm parents before I had to deal with my mother’s illness. I assured others I know what they were going through when it turns out that I did not have a hint. The most important prayer in our tradition is Shema Yisrael Adonai Elohaiynu Adonai Echad. It is an affirmation of our belief in one God, which is the essence of Judaism, but more importantly it is a commandment to listen and pay attention. Speak less and be there more. Especially in painful moments, a loving embrace, an extended hand and a respectful silence speak volumes. "I am sorry. I love you." provide great comfort.

As I write this letter, the Israelis and the Palestinians have taken renewed steps toward a comprehensive peace. I am very hopeful; that peace will win finally be a reality. Israel is very important to me. While aliyah - moving to Israel - is only the remotest of possibilities, I try to visit Israel minimally at least once a year. I have become increasingly involved in the Zionist movement at time when it is in severe decline because our connection to Israel and to world Jewry is so important that we cannot neglect developing a theology and structure of involvement. The connection between Israel and the Diaspora needs revitalization. It is so important as Jews that we understand that our faith and fate are inexorably bound in a covenant. Our whole people has an important role to play in the perfection of humankind. Israel as nation state is a unique opportunity that should be a source of spiritual, intellectual and religious sustenance. But this cannot happen unless the Jews of the world learn from one another and help one another. The relationship must be mutual. The exemplary power of a flawed but constantly striving nation-state to transform its society working with the Diaspora striving to transform its own societies has a power that is yet untapped. The soil and the history, the new and the old, the mystery and the vulgarity are magical for me. Unlike a growing number of my Israeli friends, Jerusalem exudes for me the ethos of the connection between heaven and earth. I want Israel to remain a Jewish state, a home for Jews, but one that is open and pluralistic and multi-religious. How can we have it all? I hope you will come to love Israel and the Jewish people as much as I do. Grandma Goodie and I look forward to showing you Israel exploring the new and the ancient world of our people together.

We are in the midst of a major paradigm shift in Jewish life. From having been Israel and Holocaust centered we have become more concerned about the quality of Jewish life here in North America. Even though Israel is important she is no substitute for Judaism. For years it seemed that Auschwitz would overwhelm Sinai, but the tragedy that we must never forget is taking, as it should, a back seat to Torah. Israel’s rebirth will mean more not as the central given of the contemporary Jewish life, but as an opportunity to experience Torah in a place where we have power. Programs like Birthright Israel that will allow every young Jew to go and experience Israel for him/herself are important and can have profound effects on those young people and the Jewish community as a whole. However, in North America, Judaism must be made to live in significant new ways. Jewish institutions, especially federations and synagogues will have work together to provide access and personal and material resources necessary to revitalize the religious life of the community. Some federations have begun to fund in significant ways synagogue programs investing in youth workers and family educator and creating impressive adult education programs. Religious schools are in need of restructuring. I know this seems like a strange trip to lay on a little girl, but I want you to experience a vibrant and exciting Judaism. I want Judaism to be as important to you as it is to me. I want it to be the lens through which you understand who you and what you do. What worked for me will not necessarily work for you and your generation. I hope that we will be able to talk about that some day.

Recently there has been an upsurge in hate crimes. It has meant that every synagogue has felt it necessary to increase its security arrangement for the High Holidays and beyond. It saddens me that synagogue buildings cannot be open twenty four hours a day. In the neighborhood where Grandma and I live and where your father and your uncle Jeremy grew up, an African American man by the name of Ricky Byrdsong was murdered. Orthodox Jews in Rogers Park and Korean student in Indiana were the victims of the same gunman. Three synagogues in Sacramento, California were torched, and a JCC nursery school was attacked. I tell you this not to frighten you, but to warn you that we human beings can be dangerous to one another. Good people are often silent in the face of hate as long as it is not directed against them. In our silence we hope to protect ourselves by being anonymous. In our silence, we often allow our peers to perpetuate stereotypes. Ethnic and misogynistic humor that remains unchallenged is a cultural time bomb waiting to explode. When we laugh at rather than with another we diminish their dignity. It is so easy to slip from seemingly harmless rhetoric into dehumanizing language which permits the most awful atrocities. The newspapers and the electronic media are filled with violent crimes, many motivated by hate.

I think of your Great grandfather Lothar, who left a very comfortable life in Germany and immigrated to the United States because of rising anti-Semitism. His perspicacity saved his life. I often wonder what are the signs that a place is unsafe and it is time to move. I do not mean to depress you. I am optimistic about America but I still worry. The random nature of the violence and the virulence of the hatred make it hard to defend against. On the other hand the official policy of our government and of so many ordinary people is that anti-Semitism and racism are wrong. These horrible incidents are a wake up call to good people that we cannot take each other for granted. We must build new coalitions and revive old one. I keep hoping that we might be able to pick up where left off after the initial successes of the civil right movements. I still believe in the concept of a messianic age. I have never given up on the Reform Judaism of my youth that promised that we could really make a difference. I hope you will come to share my vision and we will walk together toward a better world. Your birth on my mother’s birthday is to me a call for activism to make this world safer for you and all of us.

We are becoming more fully aware of the diversity in our world. Protestant Catholic and Jew do not even begin to describe the religious landscape. Black and white together now needs to be amended to include Asians, Hispanics, native Americans and the white ethnics. Class and gender sexual orientation all need to be factored into the equation.

When the least of us suffers injustice, all of us are vulnerable. In want to repeat this. When the least of us suffers injustice, all of us are vulnerable. This is a long held and precious belief of mine . It is has been a guide post in helping me re-examine my attitudes on many things. For a long time as many people of my generation and those older than I were homophobic. I must admit it was not until about a decade ago when I served on the CCAR Ad Hoc Committed on Homosexuality in the Rabbinate and became the principal author of the final document did I confront the issue. Now I count gay and lesbian rabbis among my closest colleagues. I am concerned about the integration of gays and lesbians into our community. My work recently with the CCAR Ad hoc Committee on Human Sexuality led me to write a two long halachic examinations of Reform Judaism’s understanding of marriage and of gay and lesbian relationships. (A shortened version of the paper on marriage will soon be available on our website.) These studies have convinced me that we must ritualize and sanctify gay and lesbian relationships which are intended to be permanent covenantal relationships. We cannot hope to strength heterosexual marriage and describe a Jewish sexual morality without recognizing that gay and lesbian relationships have the same potential for kedusha and the same possibilities for abomination as heterosexual relationships. This position remains controversial and I know that since I am sharing this letter publicly with our congregation that some people will be offended. But the ethics of intimate relationships is extremely important. I have recently written an article, which condemns adultery as part of a book on the Ten Commandments in honor of Rabbi Arnold Jacob Wolf. To condemn adultery seems such an obvious thing but common wisdom in the rabbinate suggests that it is a subject better left unexplored. In spite of the all the difficulties with marriage and family, they are in my view the most important institutions in Jewish life. We must work at making them better. Longevity means the possibility of 50, 60,70 year relationships. The poet wrote, "Come grow old with me, the best is yet to be." Our tradition teaches God stands with us under the chuppah and if we let her She will with us in bedroom, the kitchen, in sickness and in health.

Speaking of the Ten Commandments, there was a time when the Ten Commandments appeared in the daily worship service. But they were removed because early Christians challenged Judaism by claiming that the Ten Commandments were the only binding obligations of Judaism. While the Ten Commandments are by no means the whole of Judaism, the observance of all of them would be a fine start. If, Alana, you concentrate on all ten of them you will be a good Jew and a wonderful human being.

While your father and Uncle Jeremy were growing up I did not make the time and I did not have confidence to teach them some things that I think and thought, were very important. I know you parents will teach you to say the Shema nightly as your sister Leah does and as I do, thanks to my grandmother. You will learn the basic blessing and be surrounded by loved one at the holidays. But I hope that I will be able to teach you and your sister and your soon to be cousin to read the texts of our people. I hope you will come to love them the way I do and that they will become your story and your guides in a deep and fulfilling way.

As you are growing up in a rapidly changing world, I grew up in a world which was changing, but from the time I was a little child until I was a rabbi for almost seven years I prayed from the same prayer book. It provided stability and continuity. I absorbed the words and I could recite much of it by heart. Its vocabulary still punctuates much of my speech. Now we are in the midst of a flurry of prayer book writing. A new siddur for the Reform movement will hopefully be in use by the time you turn five. I hope its formula will resonate for you the way the old did for me. But you will be a child of the Internet and of the computer. Will you want an interactive prayer book? Will you want it customized to your tastes? Will you attend a virtual synagogue? I have a dream, some would say nightmare, of each morning your arising before school and logging on to a virtual minyan. When ten of you were present the service would begin.

Geography will not be a limiting factor in your life. As techniques get better and cheaper you will be in relationships instantly and almost intimately with people around the globe. Will this virtual world propel us to create new more intimate relationships in the same-place communities? Distance learning is just beginning to take off. You will be able to learn from the best. But is there any true substitute for being there? Cloning, artificial insemination and other reproductive technologies will mean that conception and reproduction will be possible for those for whom it was difficult or impossible. Will technology override nature? Will the factory replace the womb? I know these seem like strange ruminations from a grandfather who you are only just beginning to recognize as a presence in your life, and even when you first will be able to read the letter it will be strange and incomprehensible. But I am a believer in love and intimacy and soulful physicality.

Rabbi Harold Schulweis tells the following story. Why is the abbreviation for the name of Adonai two parallel Yuds? When one Yud, when one Jew, is close to another Jew, when one gives another his or her hand in loving support, God’s presence is with both of the them. The two Yuds must stand side by side for it to designate the name of Adonai. One cannot be above the other. When one is above the other the name Adonai is broken." Grandma Goodie has suggested that one yod is male and the other female and only when then stand in equal relation is the name of God unbroken. There is no substitute for human contact. This story applies in many situations.

The pace of change is rapid. It is impossible to predict what the world will be like in five years much less twenty years. I am concerned about the kind of world that we adults bequeath to you. I am painfully aware how little I have actually done. When I am about to despair I am reminded of the Mishnah which Cantor Klepper has made into a wonderful song.

Rabbi Tarfon used to say it is not [incumbent] upon you to finish the work, but neither are you free to refrain from it. (Avot 2:16)

I have one final text for you. It is from the Mishnah but it appears in the daily morning service.

These are the obligations without measure: their fruit we eat now their essence remains for us in the life to come: aim to honor father and mother; to perform acts of love and kindness; to attend the house of study daily; to welcome the stranger; to visit the sick; to rejoice with bride and groom; to console the bereaved; to prayer with sincerity; to make peace when there is strife. But the study of Torah is equal to them all (because it leads to them all.)

I hope that you will learn this passage in Hebrew as well in English for it says much more in Hebrew than in English. Hebrew is a sacred tongue which express our values in a unique way. I hope the sounds will be come fluent in your mouth and it will touch your soul.

I hope this letter gives you a little insight into what I believe and I hope it helps you think about how you will live. I have so much more I want to share with you. I pray that we will have long deep conversations. I know we will have fun together. The metaphor for this season is the Book of Life. Your book is still on its first page. On it are only incomprehensible signs and markings. But I know the tears and smiles will soon become words and deeds. I pray that your book will be long and filled with stories of love and fulfillment. I love you. God bless you.

Papa Peter